As I said, I think Rosenberg's statements about this represent a form of "shock therapy" not necessarily meant to be taken entirely literally. You say"On Dr. Rosenberg's stated preference not to hear what people think, Flack comments, 'I am not sure that is a recipe for nonviolence, when what so many desperately need is that their fully human minds be fairly heard.' We also offer strategy and execution . Be the first to write a review. New Dawn Works is a Yelp advertiser. Here are some examples: When youre addressing a certain problem, stick with the issue at hand instead of slinging mud, or engaging in what my friend calls closet-fighting i.e., reaching back into the closet of your past for old grievances to buttress your current accusations. In actual NVC conversations with people who dont know NVC, saying I need in a way that is likely to trigger a sense of obligation in the listener would be the total antithesis of NVC it would amount to making a demand (and NVC is specifically designed to be about not making demands) in the guise of what superficially appears to be NVC. You say "Clean Talk's inclusion of judgments in its basic recipe (data, feeling, judgment, want) is based on a belief that human beings judge all the time, and that we must do so in order to survive. In my language, Id say human beings use discernment all the time, and must do so in order to survive; I think we agree on this. NVC totally encourages us to interpret anger as a sign that something significant has happened that we would do well to attend to. The main risk is that, when anger is expressed, the listener is likely to infer the presence of blame and moralistic judgment, and this typically stimulates defensiveness in ways that are likely to interfere with optimal communication. So, paradoxically, because of my belief that the world would be better if there were less violence, I feel worried about endorsing conventional patterns of condemning of violence. I thought to myself, That's a telling question that reveals a confusion of boundaries." Id like to share some of what comes up for me, in reading your essay. Because I dont like these consequences, and because I have alternative ways of expressing what is important to me, I try not to express moralistic language. His experience of anger is apparently quite different from mine; I find when I'm angry that I don't think very clearly, which tells me that I'm anywhere but in my head.". I think NVC encourages us simply to be aware of the ways that they can hurt, especially at times and in certain contexts. (I find the story you cite on p. 113 in NVC: A Language of Life.) Rosenberg believes that many people experiences challenges that get in the way of their benefiting from receiving appreciation and offers some thoughts about how to help with those challenges., This topic is about the suggestion that, if you hear a no to a request, you empathize with the need behind (or guess the good reasons for) the no. It contributes in an enlivening way to my own explorations of communication. Many NVC practitioners express a need as a single word, in a way that isn't always as expressive an clear as it could be. You write, "It seems to me that when a person using NVC refers to a need, he/she is making a judgment as if that judgment is an uncontested fact. Not at all there is no assertion that This is a need. Ideally, nothing is overtly labeled a need, any more than a musician, when playing a note, would say out loud this is a C-sharp. Its simply a concept to guide the practitioner in choosing what to do. I don't have a sense that this is a problem that commonly arises in the ways that people try to put NVC into practice, but I would be interested to learn if it occurs more commonly than I'm currently aware of. I dont see any problem with the systems focusing on different usages. Interpersonal conflicts seem to often be deeply rooted in differing interpretations. And, in the ways many individuals practice NVC, it doesnt always successfully do that. And, in conflict situations, Ive experienced talking in this way as having had a rather limited capacity to transform conflicts. 4100+ talks to stir your curiosity Find just the right one More Active filters: communication Remove Clear Sort by: 4:46 TED-Ed The best way to apologize (according to science) Posted Dec 2022 13:02 Josephine Eyre Are video calls the best we can do in the age of the metaverse? You suggest that Clean Talk recommends using Clean Talk only in specific situations, while Dr. Rosenberg seems to recommend using NVC all the time. This doesnt match my reading of what Rosenberg says he says (p. 8) its applicable in a wide variety of contexts, which is not the same as saying one should use it all the time.. The main risk is that, when anger is expressed, the listener is likely to infer the presence of blame and moralistic judgment, and this typically stimulates defensiveness in ways that are likely to interfere with optimal communication. NASA said Wednesday it awarded $425 million to Boeing Co. for the agency's "Sustainable Flight Demonstrator" project as the Biden administration works to cut aviation sector emissions. So, while there's a lot in the subjective experience of anger that doesn't seem to be about thought, thought plays a critical role in the phenomenon of anger. I view learning how to communicate in more satisfying ways as an ongoing exploration, and Im continually trying to identify gaps in what I share with others about this topic, and in my own understanding. Some people win, some people lose; and often, if you look closely, everyone loses. (NVC, p.151) and". Would you be willing to let me know, if, now that you possible understand more about NVC, you are still concerned about the things you alluded to above not being shared? Tech/Talk is a lightweight, portable 8 message, multi-level AAC device that helps individuals communicate using direct selection. Boeing will work with NASA to "build, test, and fly a full-scale demonstrator aircraft and validate technologies aimed at lowering emissions," the agency said. The composite examples do not, for me, fit together (a) in ways that make sense, and (b) offer examples of what Rosenberg is recommending. His comments came as he spoke to a group of reporters on read more. Work opportunities - job leads that maybe in your area. On the other hand, suppose you approach the performer and say, When I listened to you sing, my cares fell away and I felt joy and awe it filled me with a sense of beauty. In this case, even if the performer perceived mistakes in their performance, there is nothing to argue with in your report of your own subjective experience; regardless of how the performer enjoyed their own performance, they can take in the way that their performance contributed to you. Cleantech Communication is uniquely qualified to articulate brand stories that balance complex science and engineering advances with aspirational sustainability goals. This is based on user satisfaction (60/100), press buzz (56/100), recent user trends (rising), and other relevant information on CleanTalk gathered from around the web. Note to self: If one were to invite people to name judgments rather than allowing them to hide in the shadow, this might be the way to do it. This could equally well be an example of NVC. If it's a spam bot, then CleanTalk blocks this comment or registering. Note to self: Is there something that could be added to my teaching to reduce the chances of untransformed anger being related to in an unskillful way? You also write "A request seems to me to imply that there are limited alternatives and in general to simplify and shorten the conversation rather than to open it up to whatever might help resolve the conflict. I find this point interesting. Communication inherently involves discernment in choosing what to speak about and what to omit. The other person is then free to express their reasons in whatever way is natural for them. You also write, in regard to NVC, "In not requiring the speaker to reveal how they would benefit, in my opinion, there is a lack of clarity and also a denial of ownership.. For, example, if were paraphrasing in response to something someone has expressed (usually something more substantial than just no), we might say, Could I check to see if Im getting what youre saying? DataBase of spam active IP & Email addresses. Might there be valuable ways of using the energy of anger, beyond using it as a wake-up call? It's called the "Clean Buildings, Clean Air" ordinance. seeming condescending the tonality one uses can affect how this is received. As you discuss whats bothering you, describe your emotions as specifically as possible. . Having gone through this process, you now express whats up for you: There isnt anger expressed in this, but only because after the processing, anger is no longer the dominant emotion being felt. My sense is that NVC offers both means and encouragement to "acknowledge work well done or to offer blessing or support, and that doing these things is strongly encouraged in the NVC community. I gather that Clean Talk offers some ideas about this, and those may be useful. The whole system is about supporting people in making more life-serving choices that fit the circumstances. (These are my own definitions, but they likely roughly correspond to what other NVC trainers would think of when they hear these terms. Our goal is to enable our clients to realize a continuous return from their brand value in terms of visibility, brand loyalty, employee retention, revenue growth and company valuation. I notice that when I read this, I don't share or like the judgment of a "confusion of boundaries." There is a way in which I agree with you, in thinking that NVC misses some opportunities for supporting people in relating to and talking about interpretations more explicitly and skillfully. It doesn't seem to occur to either the principal or Dr. Rosenberg that the goal of attending the meeting need not be summarily dropped in favor of spending an unspecified length of time with the student, that the situation might be a both/and rather than an either/or." For the record, I think that one can in NVC express anger as one would any other emotion (and doing so might sound fairly similar to your Clean Talk examples). Cloud & invisible spam protection for websites. Most often, I dont find that requests lead to these sort of problems. Fight spam! CleanTalk has one of the biggest spam activity database of IP/email addresses. Clean communication means keeping your voice as close to your normal tone and volume as possible. To the contrary, Rosenberg was fond of encouraging people to "enjoy the jackal show," i.e., to accept and watch the stream of judgments that flow through our consciousness. I imagine it as a practical question, that need not have any deeper meaning. I seldom use this sort of labeling anymore, and I think this is true of many NVC trainers. Gain access to our free classifieds marketplace to buy, sell and trade equipment. Regarding using giraffe to label someone speaking NVC and jackal to label someone speaking more violently, I agree that this is a risky strategy for trying to support conceptual clarity. So, I would translate the issue you raise to something like, would it be beneficial if NVC encourage people to try to reveal how they would benefit from what they say they want? NVC leads to a realization that it is really valuable to orient oneself to assuming there is some positive reason behind a no, and being curious about that reason. And, if taken too literally, or applied at times where that guidance isn't as relevant, it could lead one astray. Its easier to associate with our own inner wisdom about what works for us. My take on this is that using the word want (then following it with an NVC-style need) is generally a safer way of practicing NVC, and that Dr. Rosenberg used the word need sometimes primarily for pedagogical purposes. No Captcha, no questions, no counting animals, no puzzles, no math. Your partner either will not be sure what youre driving at, or will take umbrage at your not simply saying what you mean. I think NVC discourages the use of moralistic judgments because they are entrenched tools of coercion and battling for domination, and NVC is about shifting out of a paradigm where one engages in those sort of activities. Cha c sn phm trong gi hng. Introduction Why Use Role Play Own Judgement Own Feelings Own Wants - Our Redo Own Data Word Coaching Introduction Judgements Feelings Wants Data Shadows of Clean Talk and Word Coaching Get Consent The End I think there is lots of room for more nuanced presentation of this idea, and more nuanced advice about how to apply it in communication. People often get caught up in believing that their interpretations are true to an extent that leaves them caught in an unhelpful trap. Again, this isnt addressed in the book you read. I notice that tired doesnt have clear non -ed alternatives there is exhausted but that has an -ed, and sleepy doesnt mean the same thing. CleanTalk compiles own database of spam IPs and Emails Database. We only recommend products we genuinely like, and purchases made through our links support our mission and the free content we publish here on AoM. CleanTalk Inc | 63 followers on LinkedIn. ), All of these concepts involve discernment, or determination of what it makes sense to believe. Instead of saying, ""Would you be willing to connect with me? I would be more inclined to say something like, Would you be willing to talk about this now, for about 5 minutes?. But, these can be reduced, over time, with practice. So, I feel immensely grateful to you for taking the time to compare and analyze Clean Talk and NVC, articulate your insights and concerns, and make this available. What is important about something NVC calls a need is that it: Focusing on needs ideally tends to support: Ultimately, I think some core goals of NVC are to offer a way of thinking and speaking that supports: NVC is intended to support a paradigm shift in how we relate to self and others, and how we invite others to relate to us. After practicing NVC for decades, he still carried around a notebook where he would record his judgments, so that he could work on transforming them when he had a chance. Note to self: Think more about what practices related to sharing interpretations I think would complement NVC, and how these might relate to the core practice. . nwcompass~org?subject=Feedback%20on%20your%20NCC%20post%3A%20Response%20to%20a%20comparison%20of%20Clean%20Talk%20and%20NVC, A Comparison of Clean Talk and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), nwcompass.org/bob-wentworth/blog/cleantalk-nvc-response/, Response to a comparison of Clean Talk and NVC. We learn to communicate clearly and effectively. [This is originally began as an email message to the author of the comparison, Alyce Barry, and so is written as if to her.]. As an NVC practitioner, I dont try to block judgments from happening and I notice and acknowledge them as they arise, but I also dont dwell on them or believe that they are true. I take them as a signal that something needs attending to, and I look at the situation through the lens of (NVC-style) needs, and attend to the needs in play (mine and others). I can understand why Dr. Rosenberg might want to focus primarily on moralistic judgments, and use judgment as a convenient shorthand for that, while you might prefer to use judgment in a broader sense. You then quote Chapman Flack saying of watching Rosenberg "The effect is a curious picture of a man adroitly doing very fine, attentive thinking while insisting that it's not the thing to do.". I am surprised by your conclusion that, "Dr. Rosenberg doesn't believe that appreciation is good for the recipient. If that were the case, why would the book contain a whole chapter on offering appreciation? The only way I can make sense of it is if you are objecting to the wording would you be willing? which is one common way of phrasing a request. Condition: Good. That implicit distinction is what allowed him to talk about the dangers of focusing on thought (in Relationship Talk), while demonstrating adroit thinking (in Concept Mapping Talk), without there being any actual contradiction. ", Angry is similarly a word that tends to hold an implication that someone did something to us, and also points to a distinctive experience that isnt easy to accurately name in another way. Can hurt, especially at times and in certain contexts Ive experienced talking in this way as having had rather. Valuable ways of using the energy of anger, beyond using it a... At times and in certain contexts simply a concept to guide the practitioner in choosing what to do & ;! Systems focusing on different usages be useful trade equipment is n't as relevant, could. Nvc totally encourages us simply to be aware of the biggest spam activity database of spam IPs and Emails.. On different usages and volume as possible that their interpretations are true to an that... 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