Of course she is! Not much to work with Im thinking. So if he emotionally abandoned the marriage before actually leaving physically that would have been news to me too. My great, great-grandmother continued to walk silently into the river and finally turned around to speak to her stunned daughter. The damage is done. I didnt care. Does your W ever kind of have any empathy moments? Its peace of mind for sure and as Ive had so little of that its a welcome change! You have offered (and your family) to help him in so many ways. Yay. So yeah DDay put a stop to that and most everything else. Just dont kick her front door in . Im sure your presence was hugely appreciated by your friend. But until that show I just thought they were lazy too lazy to clean up the mess. I can only give you hope that your H comes back. Blew his top when I told him I always believed in Him..what? Covert Narcissistic Abuse Unmasked. Im sure you are right with your prediction, but the revisionist history is what is upsetting the most and that would be a huge stumbling block to any future R. Just a big announcement or declaration. I only read this blog, Betrayed Wives Club ame Chumplady (her moto is dump a cheater gain a life so read at your own risk). He couldnt lie to his Mommy. Satori thinks shes unique in this craziness and we know shes not. Between you and TheFirstWife, you are the perfect flanking angels. ta pakait sareng karakter anu hariwang sareng curiga, nalika anjeunna (anjeunna), kusabab alesan pribadi sareng sosial, sieun nikah. As you can read in the thread Ive been away and feeling a lot better. Hes had a taste of freedom (which is a false sense of freedom more accurately) however R is probably going to seem like a backwards move to him in his current misguided quest for some half-baked idea of self actualisation. > Recall why you said yes in the first place and see if your reasons are still valid.> Think about what you like, what you love about your future spouse and why these aspects of his personality are so special to you. I don;t know if I have managed things any better. And at this point you probably just want to be done with him altogether given the havoc he has put on your life. But I believe that he probably needs to understand, how long you will wait for that to happen. Yes, I hope he is not a monster too. This article also gives a good explanation of things we humans grieve, not just death. (And yes, he is terrified of emotions: check.). I dont really feel we are disregarding anyone. But its an even bigger commitment from your H if wants to save your marriage. I was having sleepless nights, and tried to ignore the jitters by drowning myself in work. But for so many there are no warnings or red flags. He is a father. So glad you had some time to get away from it all. Ive never seen anyone censored here at EAJ and if they were Id be gone. Youd think Id have been angry or sad or even smug at my retribution if that night. Thats BS. It's important to know! Now you know why he behaves the way he does. I will not go to IC either. And then he leaves you and goes home and the OW takes over. Devastated. They act out, having multiple affairs, mistresses, girlfriends, boyfriends, secretly on the side. Just taking a minute to process the chilling effect that one person ghosting can have. Satori We have more power in those early few months than we realize. Sometimes I would go for a drive and just scream and swear and cry and swear so more. The beautiful thing about blogs and social media is that everyone can have their own opinion, and others can either like it or not like it. She is a good person. We jump from stage to stage. Satori was too dominant as a person and too skilful in managing male-female power relations. Im going to print that to refer to. Hope you are doing well too and thank you for thinking of me. Ive been NC with H except for one day a week for the business. And now that I know this can happen. and/ or (b) she is trying to look supportive to me to try and get info from me. Thanks ShiftingImps, hope you are feeling a bit better? Sooo glad you made it out (a) in one piece and (b) without felony charges. But what I saw was HONESTY from him, and I had not been getting it. Rinse. She doesnt want to. My friends cheating W demanded D. Then realized her mistake. financial incompatibility (money disagreements) substance abuse. She will never reply to that but did send one more snarky email to me which I deleted. It is cold here and everything was so cosy at home, I just thought, why not? Cutting losses seems to be the order of the day. Also, maybe he has a new job. So my lawyer told him thats fine, we plan on subpoenaing the OW and also sue HER for Alienation of Affection and Resources which is still a law in my state which would me a huge forensic accounting of all businesses!! But, on a positive note.I am reminded, how short life really is.. And that is a really good motivator to continue the journey of forgiveness and healing. Whats wrong with me? Maybe you and I should hang out and leave the cheaters to it. The lack of remorse is tough to process. Get your own bank account and put nothing in your joint account. Thanks ladies. Revenge. So I know what you mean about sitting at Christmas dinner with that on your mind. But because it represents a smear of my life and my version of my own happiness, it has really struck at the core of who I am an what I thought was real. I would just not say another word about sny of it. Get some perspective. Each CS is in their own boat on the ocean. No analysing Whether she is a narcissist or not who knows. Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity. She would have left kind of confused I think. Very good nationally recognized lawyers said that. We should be he as in he chose to cheat and he chose this behavior and he chose to disrespect me Blah Blah blah. But remorse first and then we rebuild from there, but I have seen nothing from you. I told my son she was having an affair. Im hoping there is a reason for all the madness that I just can;t see yet. Even the drama is new too, as, like your situation, our life was pretty chilled. I dont quite frankly care if this thimble mind is a threat to themselves. I do remember it well. Keep it light and maybe even a phone call that goes as such hey I was just thinking about you. Oh gawwwwwd I remember that damn anxiety and heart beating out of my chest in the middle of the night like I was running a race!!! Such is the power of my imagination. Stay away from his family unless they reach out to you. I agree I deserve better. One look at my pretty bedroom and the empty wardrobe and the old reality sank in. his behavior in one day went from I love you to I want a D To I love you and want to be married to you. What a fool. Not that anyone wishes bad on him, hes doing a good job of that himself. D-day 1 of ILYBNILWY was March 2015. You have time and he is to scared to do it first. It is meant for you and I am just the messenger. Read iDiva for the latest in Bollywood, fashion looks, beauty and lifestyle news. I will never again be the same trusting person I was before all of this. In this next part, all of our very valued and always welcome male readers will see that it is not just men who abandon their families. Not coincidentally, as I write this, I have a headache. We had lots of fun together. My H wishes he had done the same. First welcome to the group to which no one ever wanted to belong. But, the mind of the CS is not their old mind. And if her desire is to replace you then you are fighting multiple battles with only one army. And if he does choose R will he have the commitment to weather the storm and really stay committed to it? Just live right now and just be yourself. I dont know if her ex husband is still in the picture, if he still loves her, or if he has moved on? He is in business with my brother and brother in law (my sisters husband). What behavior do I want to put an end to? Theyd never seen it before but they saw crazy that day. He woke up and started crying b/c of the A and what he put me through. Satori. 2 months of pure anger came pouring out of me. thst could have been worse for you and her in her eyes. Also, he doesnt seem to care that he lost me at all. They dont give a damn for anyone but their own comfort. Although a woman by her very nature is called to motherhood. She went to her mothers house and simply closed all communication with her. I also hope you can keep the business together and as I said he can always be hired back as an employee but never an owner. He may just take it. TH is right there is no way around. And that journey was a freaking roller coaster ride of epic proportions!! Two suggestions: one is to get counseling for you to come to terms with the M or S or D or whatever is going on. Thats when I left for Colarado. He has too and maybe eating shit sandwiches us just part of life. We live at the beach! St that point I said OK there was nothing I could do. But why and why now??? There were so many times I wanted to bail b/c if a number of reasons (but not cheating or lying) but we hung in there. That if PILs really are coming from a genuine authentic space they can influence in a positive way. I hope my head will be clearer and less chaotic in the morning. But summing it up its a disaster and Im about to be divorced. Anxiety goes hand in hand with codependency. It would add dimensions of pain. Not necessarily. Same with term sex addict. Another challenge but thats 2017 right? She blamed, projected, and gaslighted. Find one that is well versed in infidelity. Run!!!!!!!! Re: the therapist. Anyhow, I hope it was great. I had suggested dinner (as he had canceled the previous one last night) but he wouldnt agree yet he was staying in tonight and had no plans. He probably has not seen that side of you and should be scared. No Contact. After one encounter he actually put his hand out to shake my hand as we were parting!!! I only wish the SkankHo lived in one of the seven states in the U.S where you can sue in civil court for spousal alienation. Now he wants a D. So I fall apart and agree yet again. Herobuilders, a manufacturer of action figures, rushed to produce a doll representing Wilbanks, wearing a jogging suit bearing the slogan "Vegas baby". In bags or boxes. . We have all been dealt the brutal blow of infidelity obviously some stories are worse than others. My mother has been gone for many many years and there are still days I tear up and cry for her I miss her so much. One day, just 3 days after he left (and this was before I found out about the affair!) H: I dont know what to do. Take me as a friend or take me as your worst effing nightmare. And that is going to be to my detriment. Thats GOOD. Um, yeah well if you didnt want a fight then you should have thought about that before you decided to sleep someone else and then dump me pretending to me that its all my fault that you did. In our case a bar might have made it all worse!! Aging women are villified. I was overwhelmed with grief. And then he decided to go. Thanks to your consistently uplifting replies to me, I am in a way better place than I was or would have been. Im weighing my options (with an eye on things legal) but its fun to dream a bit x. Satorilol not to worry. Yeah at work. Well THAT was the wrong answer and I picked up a golf club. But an A sure seems like a solution. But from a sky-high view he is digging his own hole. And once I restored my confidence and self esteem I took back my power in the relationship. You triaged the M and did your best. ULK figuring out that stuff is way above my pay grade or interest and I just dont care. And, I feel (in my case) it was a total disrespect too. You just cant listen to all the crap hes spewing about being unhappy for years blah blah blah. Hes scared shitless. When the invitation cards were printed and my wedding dress bought, I started questioning my decision (to get married). It is a very strong hydrangea and has quickly become one of the favoured shrubs among UK gardeners. Satori. I knew something was wrong for that year and half and tried everything in my power to find out what was wrong. My RAGE was all consuming!!! All kidding aside, theres still hope if you want it. I dont believe I have ever requested to Doug and Linda how to run their blog. I said whats wrong are you ill? Matter of fact about a year and a half prior I got so mad one Sunday because he was playing lots of golf and taking way too much time playing it plus working so much. Now that hes said I would, but cant. It all began with whispers about my own grandfather and his mean mother. Thats something I have been afraid to look at deeply. But he ended it that day.there was no ifs, buts or maybes. Ugh what an odious task. If you can just find one or two people that are there for you, it can make all the difference. He sure as hell better work his butt off to earn your respect, your trust, and your heart. Take care of you..listen to your heart. What can you do with that? They used to email eachother all the time. And laughing is always good for any relationship IMO. Now!!! Now I had the answers to his crazy behavior. Additionally my H brought up stuff from 10 20 years prior things that bothered him that he never discussed that I am finding out years later bothered him. The last thing is that YOU have to stop trying to get her to communicate and be an adult. He immediately went NC with her. but he was once again distant. You are not battling against the OW leading your CH astray. Thats when I came home like a freaking house on fire and thru down the gauntlet. TryingHard, just realised the nothing to work with was your comment. Shes on medication and doing alright somewhere in No. Hes going to be fine. And I am still like that. PTSD Among Ukrainian Civilians in the Russia-Ukraine War, Wolves With a Parasite Become More Daring, Study Shows, Teaching Teens to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse, Sensory Issues Often Have Overlooked Consequences, Teen Mothers: When Stigma Trumps Compassion (and Research), Why Marital Satisfaction Is Closely Linked to Womens Sexual Desire. I consider it an honor to call you a friend. Thanks TFW! Puzzled, what an amazing man you are. And if she really wants to see me lose it she better never try it again!!! You know its like being between death and living. Old being the operative word. Yes to all of them. There are good people in the world and Im super grateful to have found my crew here. I cant remember what it was but I can look for it. Grief over the loss of a marriage or relationship I believe is more intense. except my friends here. And we need to hear other peoples stories.its all part of the healing. Ive been too good to them. They are just awful. At this stage, its still no R. No MC. Such easy words always said by no one who has ever gone through this. In your case your H made up his mind before you knew anything. Get away from the familiar, get away from the empty bed and four walls. Are these signs she has made up her mind to leave me or is this a typical cycle in the denial phase? Then along comes Mr. Wehavetotalk Well I cleaned up what I had done put everything away and told him YOU get someone here NOW to finish this stripping and painting. And only his actions. Boom, the words "runaway bride" have been said. And by standing up to her you will stop being a doormat and it may become more difficult for the A to continue. I coukd not tell you if he will do anything about it. I chose compassion when I was treated with contempt. My Dad who would have every reason to write my H off considering how I have been treated has thrown his support behind R if that is what I want. H can now see his friends all he wants. No more compassion. You got this. Do not need the conflict. And those of us that face it and deal with it w/out choosing other behaviors to avoid it are the true warriors on my book. It wasnt until Puzzled commented yesterday that BSA comments may be keeping you away. See some art, great sights, and eat good food and drink some good wine. Not in a million years. He wont like it. Thanks TryingHard. And to be honest I can see what could be the birth of this idiosyncratic idea that it . Try and get him to feel comfortable even talking to you, and NOT running away. And spoiled brats will play the martyr as often as they can or any other card they have up their sleeve. I know Im still working on accepting all that has transpired and realize that I may never fully understand why my ex did what she did. 8. During his A I had to deal with a death in my family (very unexpected), my job issues (which were escalating), trying to get my hands on $ b/c I was afraid he would leave me financially struggling, my teen Child and their abusive BF/GF relationship, PTSD and being saddled with the house and mortgage without the $ to keep me afloat until the house would sell. You can always start another one. I saw my daughter and son-in-law spin out of control and my words fell on deaf ears for a time. In some cases, other family members fill the role of the OP to the MLCer, e.g. I looked at him and told him not interested. Everything you, TFW and Puzzled say with justified caution indicates R is a very long uncertain road. I have friends in another forum from all over the world. Stupid me. I, of course was the lovely wife who helped her H move out. We all know and have experienced its hard to do with friends and family. He was pretty adamant about d too. This is helping a lot. Cherish your good memories. Sorry but I cant find the original source: They think communication is a problem because they do NOT want to share whats inside their head or, even worse, have to think about whats inside their head. It may be he never finds them. Its hard work tho climbing up and down the ladder spraying and scraping and having that stuff come off in two inch strips. All I said to MIL was R is on the table but the window is closing fast. I treated you cordially and respectfully in my reply and apology. Satori Waiting around only gives them more time to steal from you. But it happened. I so stupidly said ok, we can work on it alone. Just because hes says it loud and often doesnt make it so. But I was ok with it b/c when we needed talk about stuff we would. Prayers to him. Hope you had a nice break TH. Ironman competitions Of course she claims it was all just for show. He didn't take kindly to this, and was on my tail, eventually learning that I . Thats why he threatened to quit the business. They changed the law in 1975. you had to keep it together. I fully believe that they know what they are doing is wrong but theyve lost their moral compass. So you did the right thing not taking her bait. I was at home one miserable March Saturday stripping wall paper from our bathroom as Id been doing must of that week. For whatever reason. Yes, there were many good memories. I know it hurts and I am very sorry. LOL. It is so hard when I still need to work with him. She was a complete stranger, a totally different person who became selfish and cruel. Based on what I know you cannot make those things happen. Regardless, YOU GOT THIS. 4. I think you have that as part of your unique challenge an A ruins a M but can kill your business and financially ruin you as well. Its not over yet unfortunately. Was I even married? Talk about red flags!!! 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