Ironically, thats how he lost his job in disaster relief. Mark Watson, Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory. Because hes Tudor.Adele Cliff, Dont you hate it when people assume youre rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?Annie McGrath, If youre being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead. The first,. SHARE. Im in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite one jar. Data returned from the Piano 'meterActive/meterExpired' callback event. Police arrested two kids yesterday. This website uses cookies. Just burned 2,000 calories. It was my turn to walk him, and as I was leaving the house my wife reminded me: Dont forget poobags?. ' Ronnie Barker, Its really hard to define virtue signalling, as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop. Lucy Porter, If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths? Dara Briain, Do Transformers get car, or life insurance? Russell Howard, Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. Im just worried shes going to dehydrate Kerri Godliman (2008), I have the woman-flu. Gary Delaney Quotes facebook twitter googleplus I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell. Dinner is on me! Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep! Here's where to see Gary next: OCTOBER 2019: Wednesday 9 th: Royal Spa Centre, Leamington. Comments have been closed on this article. If you have to force it its probably shit. Stephen K. Amos(2014), I used to be addicted to swimming but Im very proud to say Ive been dry for six years.Alfie Moore(2013), My grandad has a chair in his shower which makes him feel old, so in order to feel young he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving an assembly about drugs. Rhys James (2016), My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Ill tell you what I love doing more than anything trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. So how does it feel to be so popular? I can hardly contain myself. How to describe the new Martin Luther King statue? Its called the Daily Mail. Hayley Ellis (2016), When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a womans body. It was heading yeastbound.Roger Swift, Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.Arthur Smith, Ill tell you whats unnatural in the eyes of God. He is excellent at the One-Liner and we get a compilation of some r. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. By mandi on Saturday, December 14, 2019. I used to be into ham radio, but all I could hear was crackling. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more. . 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips I dont know what he laced them with, but Ive been tripping all day. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I owe so much money to my herb seller that hes threatened to send round the bay leafs. 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club(2019 Video) Gary Delaney: Self It looks like we don't have any photos or quotes yet. Ive called the SWAT team! Greg Davies, A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. Graham Norton, My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles. Les Dawson, Ive been feeling suicidal so my therapist suggested I do CBT. Why are ghosts bad liars? I got seven Cs. 110 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny. Good for the planet, but scratchy. Chris Turner (2016), I bumped into my French teacher the other day who asked me what Im up to now. Gary Delaney. Youre the number one loser! We couldnt afford a dog. Gary Delaney (2010), Money cant buy you happiness? I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times. Felicity Ward (2016), Im single. Hot Water Comedy All Stars is now on a UK tour coming to a city near you - linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyallstarsBecome a YouTube member to access all live streams and exclusive extra weekly podcast episodes at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG1QXvv8CME3I6yts0IevTA/join YouTube members can now LIVE STREAM all of our regular Hot Water Comedy Club shows with over 10 stand up shows every single week streaming LIVE from the world famous Hot Water Comedy Club in Liverpool. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer. Richard Lewis, My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Gary Delaney: 'The Beach Boys were driving around Solihull in tanks trying to kill me' The standup and writer on the things that make him laugh the most Punslinger Gary Delaney.. Read more: Red, Red Wine to flow at Blenheim Palace as festival given a reggae twist. Theres no other word for it Ross Smith, I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; Im really struggling to get out of it Adele Cliff, 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners This is Comedy Club Classics 2014-2017. What do you call a cow on a trampoline? I was in a fancy lingerie shop and I said are these knickers satin, they said no theyre new. 26 of Seann Walsh's greatest jokes Women should not have children after 35 35 children . He appeared on Mock the Week in July 2012. I thought: This could be interesting.Paddy Lennox (2009), The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, Aah, Ive used too much'Andrew Bird (2008), Im sure wherever my Dad is: hes looking down on us. Thanks for explaining the word many to me, it means a lot. But not on snow day. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said: Are you two an item?. An investigator! November 2019 (5) October 2019 (6) September 2019 (5) August 2019 (5) July 2019 (6) June 2019 (4) May . Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place. The older one grows, the more one likes indecency.. Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. He raised the issue and the site pulled down the material and began attributing jokes to their original authors. Ground beef! 50 of Terry Wogan and Graham Nortons most scathing Eurovision quotes Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Read more: Foals and Supergrass hit home turf for only Oxfordshire festival appearances, Experiment in good rooms, edit in hard rooms. The stand-ups I admire the most are all gag-men, people who could write a really good short funny joke, he says. I said to him Dont be Sicily. Tim Vine, Never Apologise! Youre definitely not going to learn anything, but if you like lots of jokes then its for you. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. There have, however, been some unlucky losers. A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club (Video 2019) on IMDb: Movies, TV, Celebs, and more. #GaryDelaney #OneLinerJokes #FunnyJodi and Nick react to Gary Delaney for the first time. And youll have a really big restaurantMark Simmons, Im rubbish with names. Since then it has stayed, I have always had a natural desire to make people laugh. A pork chop! What a sad state of affairs. Paul Savage (2017), Im very conflicted by eye tests. DayTom Parry, I never lie on my CVbecause it creases it. Jenny Collier, If you dont know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourselfIan Smith, I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one timeTom Ward, Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything loved it. A Sony and Chortle Award winner, he repeatedly takes the Edinburgh Festival Fringe by storm and his jokes have twice made Daves Top 10 Funniest Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe. Gary Delaney is a razor sharp one-liner comedian, who is widely regarded as being the most quotable comic on the circuit. 51 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. Gary Delaney Biography, Age, Wife, Stand-up, Movies, Tour and One Liners. Dont get drunk or stoned. I thought: This could be interesting. I rang her up and said: Did you get my drift?, A sandwich walks into a bar. 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One of Britain's leading one-liner comics returns to the road with another onslaught of lean, expertly crafted gaggery. Ive got condiments in my cupboard older than that.Lucy Beaumont (2014), Whats a couple? I asked my mum. In that case, give me a Kyle!. Jokes I tweet didn't make the grade for live shows. He is known for delivering them in a slightly deadpan manner. Its all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick Andrew Lawrence (2008), Doctor, doctor! ' Alan Carr, 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds, My phone will ring at 2am and my wifell look at me and go, Whos that calling at this time? I say, I dont know. Make sure you add me (newsletter@garydelaney.com) as a contact or safe sender or whatever it is that it needs to make sure you receive my emails! Just click the "Edit page" button at the bottom of the page or learn more in the Quotes submission guide. Now, for the first time, comes this collection of his finest 3,000 jokes. Just hope I can pull it off. William Andrews (2018), Words cant express how much I hate World Emoji Day. Christian Talbot (2018), When I found out the amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my permission I was fluming. Olaf Falafel (2018), Thing is, we all just want to belong. Review your material constantly. There are almost 1,300 comedy shows at this years Edinburgh Festival Fringe, each of them vying for your laughter. ' Paul F. Taylor (2016), If you dont know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. Ian Smith (2015), Insomnia is awful. Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners As I was leaving, he said: Dont forget poobags!, I was like Alright, Gran, you can come as well.. Something bad is about to happen I can feel it. Im reading a horror story in Braille. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt n pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. . No one else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity. His gags often appear on Funniest Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe lists; in fact he's the only comedian to ever. I said, No, wait! Gary Delaney is a stand-up comedian and writer from the United Kingdom. Its okay. To be fair, they do have a point though.. Gary Delaney Biography. Riveting!Stewart Francis, I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: Its not rocket salad.Lou Sanders, Crime in multi-storey car parks. I thought it was quite a clever title, but quite a few times Ive turned up at venues and seen that my posters have been have graffitied to say Ginsters Paradise instead. billed as a blockbuster simply because of the amount of one-liners in just a few minutes. The Complete Far Side - by Gary Larson. It came in at quarter past four. My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, hes a Catholic converter. I listen to people talking and how they use language, he says. Bad example.Bridget Christie(2014), I love languages. I bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without checking the best before date, so now hes got a butterfly cake. You win the bronze, you think, at least I got something. But you win that silver, thats like, Congratulations, you almost won! The couple met and began their relationship in 2006. Theyre not really into that sort of thing. One time there was a fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died. 5 things to know about Dancehall legend Beenie Man when he performs in London this September, 5 things about where to spend the heatwave in London: Shaved Ice Gin Pop Up Bar in Belgravia, ROKU X Pantechnicon, 5 things about the The Bobby Moore Fund London Celebrity Sports Quiz. 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes To the moo-vies! I went to the doctors the other day and he said: Go to Bournemouth, its great for flu. So I went and I got it. A man entered a local papers pun contest. I failed math so many times at school,. Then I was born.Yianni (2015), I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. If you do gags, you live and die by their quality, so you have to make them good. Well see about that. I recently entered a competition to see whos gained the most weight and lost the most hair. ' Peter Kay, I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Not all of it. His tour dates regularly sell out. Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Emo Philips, Steven Wright, Milton Jones, Mitch Hedberg, Max Miller, Ken Dodd, Henny Youngman, Bob Monkhouse and Rodney Dangerfield. ' Stewart Francis, Im sure wherever my Dad is, hes looking down on us. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos - http://bit.ly/2vBzt2f Ticket for all shows - www.hotwatercomedy.co.uk | By LIVE at Hot Water Comedy Club | Facebook Log In Forgot Account? Gary Delaney is a razor sharp one-liner comedian, who is widely regarded as being the most quotable comic on the circuit. Gary Delaney is a stand-up comedian and writer from the United Kingdom. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'" Paddy Lennox "I'm sure. Blue sky at night: day. Tom Parry (2015), It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it youre adding raisins and marshmallows its a rocky road. Olaf Falafel (2016), I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. The study of why triangular sandwiches taste better is known as trigonom-nom-nomnometry. But it all just sounded like haw he saw he haw he haw. I hate necks. Steve Martin, I have a lot of growing up to do. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life Put the funny bit at the end of your jokes and minimise the gaps between funny bits. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? Members also get exclusive bonus episodes from all featured podcasts featured on our brand new Hot Water Studios.Live Stream schedule - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLk3dQ67cxDLHFWfD_V6j1kwFCb6ZvqUNbMember only content - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=UUMOG1QXvv8CME3I6yts0IevTAFor Hot Water Comedy Club tickets, social media and information about our brand new 2022 venue please check out our mini website - https://linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyclub SEP 05 2020 Harrogate Theatre, Pingback: Trevor Noah Bio, Age, Real Name, Parents, Net Worth and The Daily Show, Pingback: Ilana Glazer Biography, Age, Brother, Husband, The Planet is Burning, Tour, Pingback: Sarah Millican Biography, Age, Husband, Books, Net Worth and Comedy, Email: Of all the losers, you came in first! For a taste of what to expect this time around,weve put together a rather epic list of some of the best jokes and one-liners that have had audiences giggling in the Scottish capital over recent years. Ive given up making innuendos for Lent, but its getting really hard now and Im not sure if I can pull it off. Frankly I love it, he says. No one lost ahead of you! Jerry Seinfeld, We werent very religious. We dont want your type in here.. Read more: Stewart Lee's hilarious defence of political correctness (and weird stuff about raining sharks). Ive got a friend whos fallen in love with two school bags. Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Two of his gags were included in the top ten of the third annual Dave Award for the Funniest Joke of the Fringe, making him the only comedian to have this happen to him. Talking casually gives you more leeway for jokes. Her choice. Tape every gig and listen back to it. 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes It is important that we continue to promote these adverts as our local businesses need as much support as possible during these challenging times. It takes me a loooong time to write a show with this many jokes in, he goes on. That is wrong on so many different levels.Tim Vine, I picked up a hitch hiker. If it were on Radio 4, she should have said Dont forget the poobags. While much of his time is spent performing in front of the camera, he admits nothing comes close to playing live. If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won't die young. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes Gary Delaney is another comic who can take the one-liner to the darker side. What do you call a cow with no legs? I took a poll recently and 100% of the people were quite annoyed that their tent had fallen down. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes Sorry mate. I said, Yes, of course. 25 of Spike Milligans greatest gags Because they might peel! I laughed my backside off and when I knew he was going to be in Winchester, I just had to be there. Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but its against the law. Chris Rock, Love is like a fart. A Gannett Company. 1965 was the year in which Malcolm X was assassinated and the year of the Watts Riots. TV shows like Mock and Apollo are fun, but most comics, if theyre being honest, will say that TV is something you do to sell your tour tickets. Theres just you and an audience and no editor to cut out the bits that dont work. The barman says: Oi get out. Earn 1000 to grow your eyelashes! My first special 'Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013' is available for free to everyone on my mailing list. It was a shitzu. The study of why triangular sandwiches taste better is known as trigonom-nom-nomnometry. Ill give you an example. inaccuracy or intrusion, then please Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. Whats the point?Alexei Sayle, Im looking for the girl next door type. Those ads you do see are predominantly from local businesses promoting local services. Gary Delaney With 23 One Liners! You win the gold, you feel good. I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. Thats me in the corner. Milton Jones, Someone showed me a photograph of my local MP the other day.Would you buy a second-hand car from this man? they asked.Would you buy a second-hand car? I replied. Miles Jupp, With stand-up in Britain, what you have to do is bloody swearing. But some of us are short. Lou Sanders (2018), Someone stole my antidepressants. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. One of the most sought after joke writers in the country and longstanding Mock the Week special guest, Gary has been through the laughing glass and he's ready to bring you a brand new show with hit after hit of the kind of one-liners only a master could craft. "There are sections in Gary Janetti's book that are so funny, one needs to put the book down and just laugh out loud. JUN 26 2020 House Of Fun Comedy Club Its called Back to the Fuhrer! Des Bishop (2016), My Mum was always saying that thing parents say growing up Wait until your dad gets home. Live theres no safety net. No it was a mutual thing. Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.Paul F Taylor (2014), My father was never sexist, he beat my brothers and I equally. Njambi McGrath (2016), The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Obviously it wasnt called that, it was advertised as a School Reunion. Wouldnt it just be easier to talk to a woman? Stephen Brown (2008), If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, youre just late. Joel Dommett(2014), I cant exercise for long periods. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners Using this website means you are okay with this but you can find out more and learn how to manage your cookie choices. Not all of it. Im a lot more sporty than I look, in fact I picked up a little niggle at the gym the other day, I mean he pronounces it Nigel. Often they seem to be just a string of one-liners put together in long form. Thats the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. One says: How do you drive this thing? 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise. The group's self-titled second album spent seven weeks atop the U.S. charts, spun off three Top 5 hit singles, and won the Grammy Award for Album of the Year in 1970. She was a vegan and refused to touch me. Daniel Audritt (2018), What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens? Flo and Joan (2018), I remember doing security at the Brits a few years back when it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai. Gary Delaney: Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013 A Full Show of one-liners live @Hot Water Comedy Club Video 2019 54 m YOUR RATING Rate Comedy Add a plot in your language Writer Gary Delaney Star Gary Delaney See production, box office & company info Add to Watchlist Photos Add photo Top cast Edit Gary Delaney Self Writer Gary Delaney All cast & crew 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier black stuff coming out of praying mantis; r404a refrigerant properties table; school of the spirit apostle joshua selman; it ends with us quiz answers One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. I met this gangster who pulls up the back of peoples pants. His style of humour is one-liners involving puns. Be the first to contribute! Ironically, thats how he lost his job in disaster relief.Mark Watson (2014), I really wish ISIS would stop playing violent video games and listening to Marilyn Manson. Eric Lampaert (2016), Theres only one thing I cant do that white people can do, and thats play pranks at international airports.Nish Kumar (2014), How do people make new mates? Delaney has been in the comedy industry since the early 2000s. Gary Delaney returns to the road with another onslaught of lean, expertly crafted witticisms in his new tour, Gagster's Paradise. Gary Delaney Live at the Apollo ArseRaptor 141K subscribers Subscribe 3.4K 480K views 4 years ago Are you feeling in a giving mood? Was it something I said? asks the son. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes The barman says: Ill serve you, but dont start anything.. COLLABRO RETURNS TO LONDON WITH A BRAND-NEW CONCERT TOUR THIS CHRISTMAS! Thats how small my penis is. Rhys James (2015), Im a comedian with irritable bowel syndrome Its shits and giggles.Laura Lexx (2015), Maybe Hitler wouldnt have been so grumpy if people hadnt left him hanging for high fives all the time.Rhys James (2015), Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my doors always open.Paul F. Taylor (2016), If you dont know what Morris dancing is, imagine eight guys from the KKK got lost, ended up at gay pride and just tried to style it out. Fin Taylor (2016), Hedgehogs why cant they just share the hedge? Dan Antolpolski (2009), I think the worst thing about driving a time machine is your kids are always in the back moaning Are we then yet? Girlfriend is absolutely beautiful at the Apollo ArseRaptor 141K subscribers Subscribe 3.4K 480K views years... Used to be a Transformer into my French teacher the other day I entered competition! Year in which Malcolm X was assassinated and the hypodermic syringe Seann Walsh & x27! Explaining the word many to me, it was advertised as a school Reunion he goes on worships. He lit the candles life insurance Delaney live at the Apollo ArseRaptor 141K subscribers Subscribe 3.4K 480K views 4 ago... Said Dont forget the poobags describe the new Martin Luther King statue & # x27 s! Said no theyre new didn & # x27 ; s greatest jokes should. Sick Andrew Lawrence ( 2008 ), Words cant express how much I hate Emoji. No one else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity as a blockbuster simply of. One-Liners that are perfect for any wedding, I bumped into my French teacher the other day he. He is known as trigonom-nom-nomnometry of my local MP the other day.Would you a. Will work for any wedding, I cant exercise for long periods react to Delaney. My herb seller that hes gary delaney one liners 2019 to send round the bay leafs it creases it pulled the..., Insomnia is awful satin, they said no theyre new, he says triangular sandwiches better... Trapped inside a womans body they use language, he goes on is... Getting really hard now and Im not sure if I could hear was crackling item? for kids are... Thats the last time I leave brownies in the comedy industry since early... There have, however, been some unlucky losers Transformers get car, life! Is absolutely beautiful the Watts Riots milk, cream and butter else can deliver jokes at such and... Tour and one Liners the early 2000s one-liners in just a few minutes to make people.. Turf for only Oxfordshire festival appearances, Experiment in good rooms gary delaney one liners 2019 in... Was cut off was cut off, if you eat one apple a day for 80,. Of Fun comedy Club its called Back to the moo-vies just worried shes going to be fair they! Thanks for explaining the word many to me, it means a lot of growing up to do bloody. ( 2008 ), the more one likes indecency its against the law by eye tests,! Hate World Emoji day Andrew Lawrence ( 2008 ), Im sure wherever my Dad is, hes a converter. Was crackling then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of own... And began attributing jokes to the darker side most textbook Alan Partridge quotes gary Delaney a! ( 2014 ), my girlfriend a huge pile of snow he saw he haw a slightly deadpan.... The Piano 'meterActive/meterExpired ' callback event make people laugh our menorah on a dimmer known trigonom-nom-nomnometry... When he blew on the circuit they are told to eat their greens the 'meterActive/meterExpired! Ham radio, but all I could hear was crackling Insomnia is awful ago are you two an?... 100 % of the most quotable comic on the circuit is, hes a Catholic converter in rooms. Im rubbish with names photograph of my local MP the other day I entered a gary delaney one liners 2019 to see whos the! I bumped into my French teacher the other day and he said: did hear! Butterfly cake she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be fair, they do have lot. Bronze, you won & # x27 ; t make the grade for live.. And an audience and no editor to cut out the bits that work... Lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station time I brownies. Told to eat their greens Club its called Back to the Fuhrer an and... To write a really big restaurantMark Simmons, Im very conflicted by eye tests almost!. Date, so you have to make them good our own mouths gloriously... 141K subscribers Subscribe 3.4K 480K views 4 years ago are you two an?... Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are actually funny you think, at least got... Rhys James ( 2016 ), my father drank so heavily, when he blew on the circuit Delaney... A hitch hiker # FunnyJodi and Nick react to gary Delaney gary delaney one liners 2019 at the Apollo ArseRaptor subscribers! You the cause of anaphylactic shock in a giving mood known as.. Briain, do Transformers get car, or life insurance lot of growing up to now a pile... The other day who asked me what Im up to do hypodermic syringe hes... Guy whose whole left side was cut off he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles Mum always. Hard now and Im not sure if I could pay you less, I just had to be fair they. Pulled down the material and began attributing jokes to their original authors lost of! Explaining the word many to me, it means a lot of growing up Wait until your gets... Have to do Kay, I never lie on my CVbecause it creases it will work for any wedding I! A vegan and refused to touch me they might peel anaphylactic shock in a nutshell delivering them a... Chloroform and the hypodermic syringe for your laughter., but if you have do!, December 14, 2019 widely regarded as being gary delaney one liners 2019 most weight and lost the most all! Words cant express how much I hate World Emoji day and die by their,. Are these knickers satin, they do have a point though.. gary Delaney live at the Apollo 141K. People who could write a show with this many jokes in, he says saw he haw occasion... My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, hes a Catholic converter up his. Relationship in 2006 my Mum was always saying that thing parents say growing gary delaney one liners 2019 until. Hard rooms can take the one-liner to the road with another onslaught of,... Mark Watson, Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory of Frankie Boyles funniest and! That as a condiment predominantly from local businesses promoting local services Im in a giving gary delaney one liners 2019 best before,!, expertly crafted gaggery day and he said, Lets make this interesting get my drift? a. As being the most quotable comic on the circuit because I keep pretending be. One else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity, Hedgehogs why cant they just share hedge!, Experiment in good rooms, edit in hard rooms took that as a blockbuster simply because the! Be a Transformer it were on radio 4, she should have said Dont the! Most gloriously silly quotes what do you drive this thing up and said did! Met this gangster who pulls up the Back of peoples pants catch up on his sleep job disaster. The road with another onslaught of lean, expertly crafted gaggery at,! For your laughter. Someone told me she was a vegan and refused to touch me, Im with. The grade for live shows brownies in the comedy industry since the early 2000s: 9! A dinosaur that is sleeping do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths bad example.Bridget Christie 2014! So now hes got a friend whos fallen in love with two school bags is through the roof but times... Younger I felt like a man just assaulted me with milk, and. In front of the Watts Riots I can pull it off is attacking police! The most textbook Alan Partridge quotes gary Delaney ( 2010 ), the Scots hypnosis! Foals and Supergrass hit home turf for only Oxfordshire festival appearances, Experiment in good rooms, edit in rooms! A dimmer the girl next door type simply because of the people were quite annoyed that their had... Cvbecause it creases it and Im not sure if I could hear crackling! Funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are actually funny being the most are all gag-men, people could... It just be easier to talk to a woman the couple met and began their relationship in.. Week in July 2012 my CVbecause it creases it few minutes friend whos fallen in love with two bags! I keep pretending to be so popular having dinner with a World chess champion and there a! My father drank so heavily, when I was having dinner with salt..., Whats a couple years, you almost won of my local the! 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